Saturday, January 28, 2012

Aly Dumpty Sat on a Wall

Exactly two years ago, Aly Dumpty sat on a wall and Aly Dumpty had a great fall. For two years now, all of the king's horses and all of the king's men have been trying to put Aly Dumpty together again. Two years ago, Aly Dumpty fell off of an invisible wall and her life shattered into pieces all around her. The last weekend of January, 2010, was when I--Aly Dumpty--went from functioning with undiagnosed Lyme disease, to becoming disabled by undiagnosed Lyme disease.

Humpty Dumpty was unable to be put back together. However, I, Aly Dumpty, refuse to accept the same fate for myself. For two years now, I have been instructing all the king's horses and all the king's men exactly which pieces go where. It's not an easy task putting me back together, but I reject the idea that it cannot be done. All the king's horses and all the king's men gave up on Humpty Dumpty. But they will not give up on me. Neither will I give up on me, even when it sometimes looks like some of the pieces may be missing or put on upside down and backward!

Aly Dumpty sat on a wall,
Aly Dumpty had a great fall;
And all the king's horses,
And all the king's men
Worked very hard and put
Aly Dumpty together again!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Cookie Monster

Cookie Monster

I remember quite perfectly standing in our kitchen on my third birthday--frozen in awe, stunned in silence by the most incredible thing my young eyes had ever laid sight on. My mother and my aunt had baked me the most beautiful birthday cake that has ever been baked in the entire history of cakes.

My baby-blue eyes (not to mention my stomach!) had never before feasted on anything more lovely...and this sugary delight--a bright blue homemade cake in the shape of my beloved hero, Cookie Monster, was all mine (okay, well, technically I was supposed to share it)! Funny how my childhood idol was a cute fuzzy monster who loved to devour sugar as much as me...

Flash forward 28 years. Hello, my name is Alyson and I am terribly, horribly, powerfully addicted to sugar. The longest I've ever made it without sugar is around one month. Sugar plus Lyme disease is very bad. But the fact of the matter is, I am very, very addicted and simply knowing that I shouldn't eat it doesn't actually give me the tools I need to wrestle this mighty beast.

The Lyme bacteria feed off of sugar. They crave it; I crave it. I feel powerless to this mighty force inside of me screaming for its fix. Sugar, sugar, sugar! I'm on my ninth day without sugar, but for some reason, my cravings are getting stronger, not less as the days go by. I can't figure out why, but this time around has been more difficult than any other time I've tried to quit. Maybe this time, the Lyme bacteria have realized that I mean business and they're extra worried!

The thought of never having sugar again is too overwhelming for me to process. I am too addicted to just have a little bit; once I have a taste, I'm back to my old habits. So for me, it's all or nothing. I'm trying to take it a day at a time and not think about the Giant Unmentionable Holiday coming up that is devoted to all things sweet and lovely. One day at a time...

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Adios, Cowden Protocol

Last weekend, I called my doctor and talked to her about quitting my six month long herbal protocol for chronic Lyme disease. She agreed that it was just too much for me, so, as of last Sunday, I am no longer doing the Cowden Condensed Protocol. While it feels lousy to quit, I did make it through 60 days, and I'm very proud of that, because those 60 days were not easy (there's the understatement of the year!). Together with my three-times-weekly Bicillin shots, I was just way too sick.

To someone who doesn't understand Lyme disease treatment, it's easy to assume that those of us with Lyme disease are sick because we are taking too many medicines. I've written several posts about the healing crisis that takes place during Lyme disease treatment--the reason you have to get worse to get better--and I'd like to point you here if you'd like to read more about the healing crisis, or herxheimer reaction. There's a lot of trial and error involved in treating chronic Lyme disease as everyone has a different immune system and different co-infections and viral activity along with Lyme.

Since I've been off the Cowden Protocol, I've been doing slightly better. My head feels clearer, although that is a very difficult thing to explain in writing. I still tire very easily and need to rest often, but I think (fingers crossed here!) that my energy may be slowly coming back. I've been working extra hard on detoxing my body, as most people with Lyme need extra help in this department. I've been chugging lemon water, soaking in epsom salt baths, and rebounding on my trampoline. (Not all at the same time, of course!)

Yawn! Lymeland is kind of boring right now!
Things have been a little slow here in Lymeland, but I've been plugging along. I've had some lovely visits with my horse and I've been pouring my heart out to my guitar. As hard as it was to make the decision to quit the Cowden Protocol, I'm proud of myself for listening to my body, and if need be, I will pursue the program again when I can concentrate on it as my only treatment.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Laugh Your Heart Out

"Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain, cherish the moment, ignore the pain. Live, laugh, love, forgive and forget; life's too short to be living with regrets."