Chosen

I've been down hard lately, but today--after two very, very long weeks and a heart dangerously close to breaking--I was finally well enough to go see my beloved horse, Fjóla, for a few blissful minutes. She's a very affectionate horse and always meets me at the gate. Tonight, though, she was so happy to see me that she came tölting up to meet me at the gate!

Fjóla

Sometimes I catch myself wondering if I did the right thing by getting another horse while I'm still so sick, but then when I see her, Fjóla's love for me erases every bit of doubt right out of my mind and fills my heart with peace. How can I forget about the first time I met her--when she wrapped her neck around my body in a beautiful horsey hug? That little horsey had me at hello!

I cried with joy at seeing my little pony again today. After seeing her for only a short time, I felt as though I had all the fight put back in my body. I didn't realize how drained I had been until I walked away from the barn with the spring back in my step. Fjóla picked me to be hers for a reason. Being chosen and loved unconditionally by an animal is truly one of life's greatest blessings.
 
Now I'm ready to fight even harder than ever. It's been a rough few weeks, but I just keep putting one hoof--er, foot--in front of the other and with every step, I know I'm one step closer to recovery. Thank you to my little Fjóla for renewing my weary spirit!

Dream Visitors

Shortly after I wrote yesterday's post, I got really sick again. I ended up spending the rest of the day in bed. Every time I tried to get up, I felt like passing out. I called my doctor last night in tears, and, thankfully, she was able to work me into her schedule today. (I love my doctor!)

I went to her office this morning and she wanted me to have IV fluids. It wasn't so bad, really. I had a warm blanket, a heater and a very kind nurse that brought me mini-cupcakes! There's no way I'd ever turn down cupcakes for breakfast!

Why, yes I did take pictures!

My doctor is having me cut back on my Cowden Protocol--an herbal treatment I am taking for my chronic Lyme disease. I also had lots of blood work done. I've had a really tough few days, but my friends keep reminding me that I'm pretty tough. I know that this is just a bump in the road, and--hard as it is--I'm trying not to lose perspective on that. 

I was so sad yesterday that I wasn't able to make it out to see my horse, Fjóla, but then I was blessed with the most incredible dream last night--not only about Fjóla, but also about my old horse, Shiloh. Shiloh came to me and galloped me away from all my worries and pain. We galloped as fast as we could, until she began to grow tired. Then her friend Fjóla came to take over Shiloh's job of taking care of me. Fjóla's job was to go at a much slower pace--through the thick branches and steep, dangerous, rocky terrain. I woke with peace in my heart; I always did know horses were magic!

Aly and Shiloh, a handful of years ago

A Girl and a Horse

I had a very rare afternoon to myself today without my kids, thanks to my mother-in-law, and I was feeling pretty well, so I hopped in the car and went to the barn. It was a gorgeous day out and, as always, my pretty pony was waiting for me.

"Hi, Mama!"

There is no greater joy on this earth than being on top of my horse. I have no pain when I am sitting on her and I believe with all my heart that she understands what a gift she is giving me when I ride her. Mostly, though I don't have enough energy to ride, so we just "park" and I sit on her back and dream about riding while she eats her hay.

When I started Bicillin injections, my doctor told me I'd most likely be too sore to ride my horse. When I told my mom that, she said, "I know you and you'll do it anyway!" What can I say, my mom knows me well. Last week, I went to the barn and tried to climb up on my horse, and ended up hurting myself. I figured it was time to put away my cowgirl boots until I was done with the shots.

But if you know me, you know that I am stubborn. Very stubborn. I took my pony into the arena today and we walked around and around while I contemplated whether or not I should get up on her again. She seemed to say to me, "Just get on already, lady!" So I did. We rode for about 10 minutes--bareback, bridleless, and without reins. And it was amazing.

I'm exhausted after my 10 minutes of being a cowgirl and I'm resting now, but it was worth every bit of the pain that it will cause me for the next several days. Knowing that my dream horse is waiting for me at the barn gives me so much strength to beat the snot out of this disease.

We Gallop Away

I close my eyes,
she comes to me;
we gallop away,
above the trees.

On my pony's back
I shall fly;
above the clouds,
away in the sky.

We go to a place
where I'm not sick:
no pills, no pain;
no needles' prick.

We stay awhile,
then I must go.
I know in my heart
she loves me so.

We will fly again
another day.
I wait for her;
she waits for me.

Heaven on Earth

I start every day and end every day by checking in on all of my Lyme friends to see how they are doing. Unless you spend a lot of time around someone with Lyme disease, you can't imagine the physical and mental pain that it causes. It is so easy to lose hope when you are sick day after day, and I really worry about my Lyme friends. I hope this post helps all of you out there with Lyme disease to remember that you will get better and that there are amazing things waiting just around the corner for you, too!

Last Saturday, as many of you know, my dream came true and I found my equine soul mate. While I did have one day where I sent my friend a panicked email along the lines of "What have I done; I'm too sick to take care of a horse!",  I really feel with all my heart that getting this horse was the right thing to do. Owning a horse and struggling with chronic illness is going to be a challenge, but it has already given me so much joy after only one week.

My horse is boarded at a barn about 10 minutes away from where I live. The owners feed and water and keep a close watch on all of the horses. Anytime I can't make it out to the barn, I know my horse is in good hands. The barn owners always go above and beyond (I boarded my previous horse with them for five years) and I am so blessed to have found such an amazing home for my precious new horse, Fjóla.

Peekaboo! 

Thanks to my dear, understanding hubby, who graciously became a single father this week so I could spend every possible moment together with my new horse, I managed to make it to the barn every day but one this week, and with the level of exhaustion I felt  (plus being in the middle of a major heat wave here), that is pretty impressive.

I didn't anticipate the impact Fjóla would have on me so quickly. The thought of that beautiful horse--so excited to see me already, after only one week together--makes every day that I can possibly make it to the barn worth every bit of the fight that it takes to get to her. And she has shown me after such a short time together that she--the pony who went almost entirely unhandled for all but the last half a year--was waiting for someone just like me her whole life. She is the most loving, kind, affectionate, curious and laid back horse I've ever met! It just goes to show you that the dreams that you have to fight the hardest for are truly heaven on earth!
         

The Perfect Day

Fjóla and Aly: Our first day together

Today, my new horse came home! I floated through the entire day in a dreamlike state. She is such an amazing, calm and laid back horse--she walked right off the trailer like she'd been there a million times before. This horse is unflappable! She is truly something special. Of course, I am biased...

When I got home from the barn, I came downstairs and noticed that my husband had left on NPR downstairs. Guess what was playing on the radio? I'll give you a hint: It was the name of yesterday's blog post! And the song was playing right at this part: Somewhere, over the rainbow--bluebirds sing; and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true!

What a perfect end to a perfect day!

Somewhere, Over the Rainbow

(click here for picture credit)

"Somewhere, over the rainbow
Bluebirds sing;
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true."







In two weeks, I will hit the one year anniversary of my diagnosis of late stage Lyme disease. I have made unbelievable progress over the course of the year. I've gone from being almost totally bedridden to being able to function again. Some days I can function close to about 90% of what I used to. My pain levels are much more manageable now. I do have good days and bad days, but I can take care of my kids again, I can drive again and I can do many of things that I love to do again.

I've gone through some pretty dark days, but all through my fight, I never let go of my dream of owning another horse since I lost my beloved horse, Shiloh, nearly a year ago to a blood clot. It was so hard to admit that I just wasn't well enough to jump back into that kind of lifestyle. 

Yet now, after nearly a year of treatment, I'm finally strong enough and in a good place to pick up my dream again. I am so excited to announce that I have found my absolute dream horse and she is coming home tomorrow!

Indroducing: Fjóla (click for pronunciation), my new Icelandic horse!

I know that the challenge of owning a horse again is going to be tough while I continue to battle Lyme disease. I still have a lot of symptoms and I still have a long road to recovery. But my undying passion for horses has sustained me through the best of times and the worst of times. When the pain of Lyme disease overcomes me, my mind finds respite in dreaming of horses. When I struggle with the burden of depression from chronic illness, my sorrow turns to laughter at the barn. On the darkest days, I close my eyes and fly away from the pain on the back of my dream pony.

Tomorrow, my equine soul mate comes home. I could not have asked for a more perfect match, given the nature of my illness. Her laid back attitude and affectionate nature are everything I could have dreamed of and more. I am the luckiest girl in the world! I have fought so incredibly hard to turn this dream into a reality. Thank you so much to all my incredible friends and family who helped make this possible! And an extra, extra special thanks to my beloved Nana, who is cheering me on from heaven!

Fjóla, I cannot wait for the adventures we are going to have together! I've waited my whole life for a horse just like you. You are truly my dream come true. <3