We Gallop Away

I close my eyes,
she comes to me;
we gallop away,
above the trees.

On my pony's back
I shall fly;
above the clouds,
away in the sky.

We go to a place
where I'm not sick:
no pills, no pain;
no needles' prick.

We stay awhile,
then I must go.
I know in my heart
she loves me so.

We will fly again
another day.
I wait for her;
she waits for me.

Somewhere, Over the Rainbow

(click here for picture credit)

"Somewhere, over the rainbow
Bluebirds sing;
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true."







In two weeks, I will hit the one year anniversary of my diagnosis of late stage Lyme disease. I have made unbelievable progress over the course of the year. I've gone from being almost totally bedridden to being able to function again. Some days I can function close to about 90% of what I used to. My pain levels are much more manageable now. I do have good days and bad days, but I can take care of my kids again, I can drive again and I can do many of things that I love to do again.

I've gone through some pretty dark days, but all through my fight, I never let go of my dream of owning another horse since I lost my beloved horse, Shiloh, nearly a year ago to a blood clot. It was so hard to admit that I just wasn't well enough to jump back into that kind of lifestyle. 

Yet now, after nearly a year of treatment, I'm finally strong enough and in a good place to pick up my dream again. I am so excited to announce that I have found my absolute dream horse and she is coming home tomorrow!

Indroducing: Fjóla (click for pronunciation), my new Icelandic horse!

I know that the challenge of owning a horse again is going to be tough while I continue to battle Lyme disease. I still have a lot of symptoms and I still have a long road to recovery. But my undying passion for horses has sustained me through the best of times and the worst of times. When the pain of Lyme disease overcomes me, my mind finds respite in dreaming of horses. When I struggle with the burden of depression from chronic illness, my sorrow turns to laughter at the barn. On the darkest days, I close my eyes and fly away from the pain on the back of my dream pony.

Tomorrow, my equine soul mate comes home. I could not have asked for a more perfect match, given the nature of my illness. Her laid back attitude and affectionate nature are everything I could have dreamed of and more. I am the luckiest girl in the world! I have fought so incredibly hard to turn this dream into a reality. Thank you so much to all my incredible friends and family who helped make this possible! And an extra, extra special thanks to my beloved Nana, who is cheering me on from heaven!

Fjóla, I cannot wait for the adventures we are going to have together! I've waited my whole life for a horse just like you. You are truly my dream come true. <3

A Girl Without A Pony Is Like A Tick Without Borrelia Burgdorferi

All of my life, horses have been magical to me. At a very young age, I started begging my parents for a pony. Sadly, sticking a pony in our tiny backyard (within the city limits) wasn't doable, or legal for that matter, but my poor broken heart couldn't fathom why my parents would choose to torture me by denying me my heart's desire of having my very own pony.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I finally got my foot in the door (er, gate) to the world of horses. I convinced my husband to let me take (very expensive!) riding lessons. Once a week, for one hour, my lifelong dream of being atop a real live horse came true!

I quickly noticed that something peculiar would happen when I was on the horses. When I was riding, if I was sick, my symptoms would disappear. But the second I would step back onto the ground, whatever symptoms I had would come back. For instance, if I had a headache it would be gone while I rode, but when my boots swung out of the stirrups and I landed back on the ground, my headache would be instantly back.

This happened to me many times. Be it a cold, asthma, anxiety, you name it and it would disappear. These magical ponies that I dreamed of all of my life were performing their own magic trick for me. In return, I did the one thing I could think of to thank them: I paid them back in peppermints.

On a cold and rainy winter day, my lifelong dream came true, and I got my very own dream pony. I loved my dear Shiloh for 5 wonderful years before she passed away at the ripe old age of 30. She carried me through so many things: my spouse in law school, the birth of my second child (okay, so she didn't actually CARRY me through that!), depression, anxiety, etc. Just like the horses I took riding lessons on, my problems melted away atop my swaybacked Appaloosa.

I have been well enough to ride horses only a handful of times since I got sick, but something about the magic of the horses shifted since I developed Lyme Disease. They were no longer able to carry me away from my pain. My joints still ached. My anxiety was still there. I was still depressed about being chronically ill. After years of horses taking my pain away from me, what was going on?

With this illness, I have had to tap into incredible amounts of strength deep inside of me to make it through my pain. Maybe the horses began to sense a change in me. Inside, I am so much stronger now than I ever was when I was "healthy." I am a much more positive person. I try not to take life for granted so much. I think the horses understood that I was finally ready to carry myself, ironically at a time when I could barely walk on my own two feet.

The reality of my illness is that I am not able to take care of another horse anytime soon. But the dream of one day owning my own horse once again carries me through my hard times. I KNOW I will be well again. I will fight with every last ounce I have to accomplish this dream. And this time, I will be stronger. I will not need my horse to carry me away from anything. We will ride off on our new adventure, girl and horse.

I am fighting for you, Dream Pony!

PS I will still be putting "a pony" on my Christmas list this year, just in case...