Saturday, November 13, 2010

New CDC Guidelines

The CDC recently changed their guidelines for diagnosing Lyme Disease. You must now have at LEAST 10 out of 12 of the following symptoms:

-you can identify all of the people on the Urgent Care billboard

-when you lose an item (book, shoe, etc.), the first place you look for it is in the fridge (and chances are good that it's there!)

-you attempt to drink your child's watercolor paint water because it looks exactly like one of your homeopathic remedies

-an epsom salt bath means the perfect opportunity for you to catch up on bills, texts, emails, writing your life story, etc.

-you eat more food than a teenage boy and a pregnant woman combined, and still have the physique of an Olsen twin

-you can call your doctor's office and leave the message, "Hey it's me; Call me back," and they do

-you take more pills a day than all of your grandparents combined

-you spend so much time in your bed that you've created a dent shaped exactly like you

-you get really excited when you break your personal record for giving the most vials of blood at your doctor's office

-you have a stockpile of household items next to your bed that you use daily for self-massage (and you NEVER leave your house without your wooden egg or miniature rolling pin!)

-you have way more experience doling out your medicine than a pharmacist

-your weight and your body temperature are easy to remember, because they are the same