Setting a New Pace

When you're healthy, it's easy to be sucked into the hectic, go, go, go pace of everyday life and it's hard to find the time to slow down and enjoy a quieter, calmer pace. On the flip side, when you have a chronic illness like Lyme disease, you will find yourself with a lot of time to sit and twiddle your thumbs.

Thanks to Lyme disease, I've had a taste of both paces: Pre-Lyme disease--"I will make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right after I wash the dishes, do the laundry, change the baby's diaper, scrub the toilets, run to the post office, feed the dog, put gas in the car, and blah, blah, blah!"/And during Lyme disease--"Hey, Honey, come look at this! That crack on the ceiling looks just like a moose! And look at that! That one looks just like Abe Lincoln!"

So now, as I revel in the fact that I have more energy again and I'm able to do more things, I struggle with putting into practice some of the most important lessons chronic Lyme disease has taught me: Slow down or you'll miss out on everything! Life is precious and you are not promised tomorrow. Live in the moment. 

It seems fitting that as I began working on this post this morning (I'm a very slow, perfectionist writer, if you didn't know), I found myself sitting there typing away on the laptop, with my kitty softly purring on my lap, traces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on my face and with hair and clothes soaking wet from playing out in the rain with my three year old. I stopped writing, closed my eyes for a few seconds and got lost in the moment.

And then I got up, swept the floor, did the dishes, gave the cat his flea medicine, etc. Moment over.

“Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis
on which the world earth revolves - slowly, evenly, without
rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment.
Only this moment is life.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

One Year Lyme-A-Versary

Today marks the one year anniversary of my official diagnosis of late stage Lyme disease and the day that I began treatment. I can hardly believe how much my life has changed in the course of this single tumultuous year of my life. Oddly enough, as incapacitated as I was throughout much of this year, this is the year that I truly started living and loving my life.

What amazes me the most when I look back on this year full of unimaginable physical pain (Can you read that okay? Should I make it larger? I can do that, you know!), it's the beautiful moments that stand out, not the dark days. It's the love and kindness and support that I remember most. It's the laughter and tears of joy that I cherish. And that's enough to take the power away from all of the pain of this year.

I choose not to look on this anniversary with sadness, for this was a year filled with loss and closed doors. Instead, I choose to look upon it with gratitude and gladness--for this was a year full of unbelievable triumphs and lessons. This was a year full of amazing new friendships.

I love my life now, although I wish it wouldn't have taken a very rude awakening from Lyme disease to make that happen, but that's what it took to awaken my soul. I am so happy with my life now and who I have become through learning to dance my way through Lymeland. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those very special people in my life who have shared the dance with me! I love you all and wouldn't be here without you.

Heaven on Earth

I start every day and end every day by checking in on all of my Lyme friends to see how they are doing. Unless you spend a lot of time around someone with Lyme disease, you can't imagine the physical and mental pain that it causes. It is so easy to lose hope when you are sick day after day, and I really worry about my Lyme friends. I hope this post helps all of you out there with Lyme disease to remember that you will get better and that there are amazing things waiting just around the corner for you, too!

Last Saturday, as many of you know, my dream came true and I found my equine soul mate. While I did have one day where I sent my friend a panicked email along the lines of "What have I done; I'm too sick to take care of a horse!",  I really feel with all my heart that getting this horse was the right thing to do. Owning a horse and struggling with chronic illness is going to be a challenge, but it has already given me so much joy after only one week.

My horse is boarded at a barn about 10 minutes away from where I live. The owners feed and water and keep a close watch on all of the horses. Anytime I can't make it out to the barn, I know my horse is in good hands. The barn owners always go above and beyond (I boarded my previous horse with them for five years) and I am so blessed to have found such an amazing home for my precious new horse, Fjóla.

Peekaboo! 

Thanks to my dear, understanding hubby, who graciously became a single father this week so I could spend every possible moment together with my new horse, I managed to make it to the barn every day but one this week, and with the level of exhaustion I felt  (plus being in the middle of a major heat wave here), that is pretty impressive.

I didn't anticipate the impact Fjóla would have on me so quickly. The thought of that beautiful horse--so excited to see me already, after only one week together--makes every day that I can possibly make it to the barn worth every bit of the fight that it takes to get to her. And she has shown me after such a short time together that she--the pony who went almost entirely unhandled for all but the last half a year--was waiting for someone just like me her whole life. She is the most loving, kind, affectionate, curious and laid back horse I've ever met! It just goes to show you that the dreams that you have to fight the hardest for are truly heaven on earth!
         

Be Kind to Yourself

This morning, after having a particularly restless night, I found myself quite full of negativity. "Ugh, I have to take antibiotics again, already?? It's going to knock me on my butt!" "I am so sick of this!" "I cannot take another day of this!"

But then, something happened. I caught myself and stopped those negative thoughts dead in their tracks! I thought to myself, "Wait a minute! Why would I want to make things any harder on myself, especially when my body is fighting so hard for me?!"

I quickly replaced those negative thoughts with kind words toward my body and repeated my favorite line for when I'm struggling, "Be peaceful my sweet body, working so hard to support me." (I think that's from this book, which is amazing!)

I decided to challenge myself for the day: My goal is to focus on being kinder to myself. I invite you to join me, and if you're willing, leave a comment with one kind thing about yourself.


"The words "I am" are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to.  The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you."  ~A.L. Kitselman