Seizures

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." -Winston Churchill

This is an extremely difficult post for me to write, and for some people it may be equally hard to read. I knew I needed to write this post for myself, but I really wrestled with the decision on whether to publish it or to keep it private.

The main reason I keep this blog is to help my family and friends understand my disease, and--because the vast majority of my illness goes on behind closed doors--even some of my closest friends have never seen the wrath of this disease on my body. If I don't feel well, I stay home. Since May is Lyme disease awareness month, I've decided to publish it.

A few weeks ago, my heart started pounding. No big deal, I thought, as I took some deep breaths. Then my throat started going numb. Suddenly, my insides felt like they were on fire, and I felt heat spreading slowly throughout my body like a wave. I felt dizzy and nauseated and thought I was going to pass out. My heart galloped like I've never felt before for around 20 minutes.

I was fully conscious, but I felt completely out of it and trying to form words was incredibly difficult. Next my body started shaking and my muscles started jerking and convulsing. I was so scared and all I could think was that I was having a seizure. After the episode was over, I was left with a dizzy/lop-sided feeling and absolutely no energy for ten hours. I could only get up to go to the bathroom.

I got in touch with my doctor and she felt that my autonomic nervous system was going haywire from too much die-off. (As the Lyme bacteria are killed, they release a toxin into your body faster than your body can process it, causing a huge increase in Lyme symptoms and making you feel temporarily like hell; this is called a Herx reaction, and it is a "good" thing because it means the bacteria is dying.)

The next few days were rough. My anxiety came back. I started having panic attacks. My joint pain came back. My memory started slipping again, and I started going downhill really fast. I stopped my new medicine and I went back to two shots a week instead of just one (we were in the process of weaning from three Bicillin injections a week down to one a week).

Then, last week, I had another episode--this one even worse. First, I started experiencing visual disturbances, similar to those I get from migraines. I was seeing spots and my eyes would not focus. Suddenly, I felt like passing out. I laid down and noticed that my left arm felt completely wet. I touched it and it was, of course, not wet. Next it felt like someone was putting Icy Hot all over my arms and legs.

Then I started shaking and my muscles started jerking and convulsing to varying degrees, which lasted for a hellish 45 minutes. At one point my left arm clawed up and started flailing. At the same time, I felt what I can only describe as a bubble in my right ear moving slowly across to the right side of my brain.

The whole time, I felt a bizarre zen-like calmness, which was completely unnerving, since my body was freaking out and should have been coursing with adrenaline. I will take calm over panic any day, but it was alarming.

We now think both episodes were likely seizures. Seizures are actually a fairly common symptom of  Lyme disease. My doctor wants me to wear a heart monitor for 30 days and to have an EEG to test for seizures. There have been other times during my treatment that I suspected I may have been having seizures, most notably during treatment of my co-infection, Babesia. This is a video of what I looked like during the episode (please note, this is NOT ME in the video).

The experience was deeply traumatizing. Losing control over your body is absolutely terrifying. It's hard for me not to dwell on the fact that it may happen again, especially when going out in public. Going from over 90% better last month to having seizures this month is heartbreaking.

But I don't want to live a half-life where I dwell on what ifs. I'm trying hard to reach out and grab life by the horns and not let it pass me by, because when you have a chronic illness, it's so easy to just let life slip through your fingers. I'm just taking it a day at a time.

It's been ten days since the last seizure and I haven't had another one. I finished my last Bicillin shot last week, took a week off of treatment and started my next protocol yesterday. I'm back to oral antibiotics, although in all honestly, really I'd rather have a shot three times a week than pop so many pills everyday. But those pills are what keep me functioning, so reminding myself of that makes it a little easier to swallow them down.

The most difficult part of this disease is knowing that it could have been prevented. When caught and treated right away, Lyme disease can be cured; untreated for too long and you can end up fighting for your life. When I think back on the decades of countless doctors I saw over the years since my first tick bite as a child, not a single one of them was able to recognize Lyme disease, causing a treatable disease to turn into what could likely be a life-long battle. 

What I want more than anything is to see a change that starts with education. Recognizing the early symptoms of Lyme disease is crucial in keeping the disease in its treatable stage. Please take a moment to read this article about the top ten tips to prevent chronic Lyme disease.