Monday, November 19, 2012

Finding Peace

I've hit a rough patch in my battle against Lyme disease. I was doing so well, and then, suddenly, not well. These past few weeks have been a struggle and I've been frustrated and very sad with how quickly and unexpectedly things went downhill.

No matter how I try to shake it off, this question just keeps haunting me: Is the rest of my life going to be this incredible struggle with my health? I wish I knew the answer to that question, but I don't; my answer differs depending on how I'm feeling at the moment.

I realized something very important yesterday: This journey I am on is not about whether or not I am cured; it's about learning to be at peace with my body regardless of whether I am sick or well. Much as I wish there were, there is no magical handbook on what to do when faced with chronic illness. I only have this blog where I can record and revisit the lessons I have learned that have brought me where I am today.

Being on the right path toward being at peace in my body means accepting the things that I cannot change. No matter how much I struggle against it, I cannot change the fact that I am battling a very severe illness and I cannot change the fact that my health is in an unpredictable state right now. But I can change my attitude toward these things.

Whether or not I am one day cured, I can still be grateful toward my body right now for all it has done for me. My days may not look like what I want them to look like right now, but that does not mean that I will let them slip by without soaking up as much joy as I possibly can. It's not easy, but I am trying. I am trying.

"If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud."~Émile Zola


  1. Such a beautiful post. I have been struggling with the same question. Time will tell, but it would be nice to know!

  2. I am not for sure if you are spiritual or not but I just believe that this illness was brought into your life to serve purpose for something bigger. Be lifted up and know that if God gave you this day than, He gave it to you with purpose and with you in mind.