Finding Peace

I've hit a rough patch in my battle against Lyme disease. I was doing so well, and then, suddenly, not well. These past few weeks have been a struggle and I've been frustrated and very sad with how quickly and unexpectedly things went downhill.

No matter how I try to shake it off, this question just keeps haunting me: Is the rest of my life going to be this incredible struggle with my health? I wish I knew the answer to that question, but I don't; my answer differs depending on how I'm feeling at the moment.

I realized something very important yesterday: This journey I am on is not about whether or not I am cured; it's about learning to be at peace with my body regardless of whether I am sick or well. Much as I wish there were, there is no magical handbook on what to do when faced with chronic illness. I only have this blog where I can record and revisit the lessons I have learned that have brought me where I am today.

Being on the right path toward being at peace in my body means accepting the things that I cannot change. No matter how much I struggle against it, I cannot change the fact that I am battling a very severe illness and I cannot change the fact that my health is in an unpredictable state right now. But I can change my attitude toward these things.

Whether or not I am one day cured, I can still be grateful toward my body right now for all it has done for me. My days may not look like what I want them to look like right now, but that does not mean that I will let them slip by without soaking up as much joy as I possibly can. It's not easy, but I am trying. I am trying.

"If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud."~Émile Zola