Thursday, May 22, 2014

The Big Bad Wolf

My blog has been deep in hibernation for many months as I've been cozied up in my den with my wee baby girl. But ever so softly (and then louder and louder AND LOUDER) my heart has been crying out to write again; my soul needs to unburden itself of this heavy load that's been silently weighing it down.

My baby is no longer a newborn--she's nearly seven months old. And for those seven months--as I've watched my health slip--I've played the part of Little Red Riding Hood, post that whole my-grandma-is-a-wolf fiasco. Every leaf rustling on the way to Grandma's house is a wolf. Every symptom coming back is unnerving. My basket of goodies is filled not with sweets, but instead with fear and uncertainty.

But (and that's a big BUT), I beat this disease into remission once, and I WILL do it again. However, if you have never lived a day with Lyme disease, you cannot truly know the wolf that stalks you. The fear. The terror. The uncertainty. The unknown. The what ifs.

The big bad wolf has me on his dinner menu, but I'm not going down without one hell of a fight. And the first step is admitting this much: I'm sick again. I have to swallow a million pills a day again. I'm scared. I don't want to go through this again. I hate this disease. What I want more than anything, is to educate others so that they never have to go through the pain of this disease.  For me. For you. For the big bad wolf, snarling at me and eying you up, next.

Little Red Riding Hood


Check yourself, protect yourself; know the symptoms. And if your grandma has fangs, run like hell!





9 comments:

  1. Praying for you , Alyson! You can do it!

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    1. Thanks, Heather! I'm always cheering for you, too. XO

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  2. Alyson- I have been reading your blog since my diagnosis last fall. You are truly a gifted writer, so many of your posts are so right on. I read them and think to myself, I couldn't have said it better. I am on the wolf's dinner plate as well. It's funny because I have told my LLND that I feel "hunted" at times. I wonder what crazy symptom will come out of nowhere.
    Like you I am a mom to young kids and I am horse girl. I just sold my warmblood because I didn't know when I would be able to ride him again. It seemed like the practical thing to do since he was only 5 and needed consistency. I still have my kids' little welsh pony that keeps me smiling with all her pony antics.

    I have read much of your story and I know how hard you have fought for your health. I fight the same fight everyday. I am so sorry you are having a relapse. I hope that your symptoms start to recede again and you begin moving toward better health. Please keep us updated! And keep fighting!

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I'm so sorry you had to sell your beloved horse. It's so hard losing things you love to this disease! Keep up the fight! :)

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  3. Just wondering how you are doing? Hope you are healing and getting your lyme back into remission.

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  4. Yes. I agree with anonymous above. It would be great to hear how you are doing. I hope you had a good summer and you are moving toward remission.

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  5. Hi there, I'm Lindsey! I have a question and would love to speak with you. Could you please email me when you have a chance? Thanks so much, looking forward to hearing from you! lindseyDOTcaldwellATrecallcenterDOTcom

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  6. Can you please keep writing? How are you? Please update us. Your story can't end here. Lori B.

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    1. Lori, I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I'll try anyway. I can't crack my password to get back in and write an update, but I am 100% healthy and have my life completely back. It's been a wild ride, but Lyme disease is no longer a part of my vocabulary. I'll keep trying to remember my password and maybe I can write an "official" update.

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