Wednesday, October 19, 2011


The day before I start a new treatment is always a tangle of emotion: fear, hope, strength, doubt, anger, courage. It is, without fail, a mess of what ifs: What if I can't handle this treatment? What if I can't handle the pain? What if I get too sick? What if I'm not strong enough to do this?

I've wrestled with my demons all day. Courage and strength have been slow to come. How am I supposed to gear up for this painful treatment? How am I supposed to prepare for the strongest treatment that I've ever done--and that may or may not even help, for that matter?

Tonight, I just cannot find peace with having Lyme disease. Sometimes it's all you can do to tuck yourself in bed and know that you gave it your all. Tomorrow is a new day.


  1. I hear ya girl! I am worried about the next couple weeks too. ((hugs))

  2. Oh Alyson, I understand your fear and worry about the what ifs ~ just remember you are a courageous woman who is not alone in this battle. You have a good LLMD and you can make good decisions for yourself...I just had a treatment for gasoline yesterday that had we worrying about how i would react...fear crept in and I expected the worst. I did alot of deep breathing, a few of the gupta retraining practices, and prayed hard about it, reminding myself it will get better. It will get better for you too ALyson.
    Last night I read a post at blog really inspires me~ have you every been there? She has had decades of struggle before being diagnosed with Lyme and its buddies. Her journey will inspire you!
    PRAYING for you today Alyson....storming the heavens with prayer for you.

  3. I am so sorry Alyson. This is another bump in the road, albeit a BIG bump, but a bump nonetheless. Hopefully you will sail over it without a problem and will feel tremendously better for it! Then, in a year or so, it will be just a blip...a distant memory, because you will be feeling so GREAT that you are out living and loving life! I'm here if you need to talk! One day at a time, my friend.

  4. I'm praying so hard for you, Alyson! I know it's so hard to gear up for something you know will make you feel worse before you feel better. Be brave!! You can do it! This will help you get well! Praying!