Total Extinction

It's time for me to begin weaning myself off of my three times a week Bicillin injections for treatment of my chronic Lyme disease. Now, you would think that this would be the kind of change I'd be jumping for joy at. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't want to ditch several-minutes-long, pain-in-the-butt (literally and figuratively!) shots three times a week?! Me, apparently! Change means facing the unknown, and for me the unknown means changing a treatment that is working really, really well.

Monday was my 72nd shot--the six month marker for me. I had been working toward that goal, well, for six months, obviously. My friend and I joked that I would reach "total extinction" (remission) at the six month point. While I wasn't magically healed by the 72nd shot, I cannot deny that these shots have brought me farther than any other treatment I've done.

Alas, I am not in remission, and that means--like it or not--it is time for me to soldier on with the next part of my treatment. Last night was my first (planned) night skipping a shot and I was terrified of how my body would respond to this change. I worried myself into a panic yesterday.

Sometimes, you have to learn a lesson over and over before it sinks in: When you dwell on fear, it grows and grows. I realized last night that I was unconsciously choosing to make the fear of the unknown a thousand times worse than facing the actual experience, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

I decided today I needed a change in attitude, and I must say, when you go looking for motivation instead of dwelling on fear, motivation has a way of making you look like quite the fool! I took myself out to lunch alone today--a very rare occasion for me, since I'm the mother of two young kids--and I noticed that the man sitting at the table next to me was sporting a neck brace, an eye patch and a cast on his arm.

Poor guy, I thought to myself. But then I realized that I was the miserable one feeling sorry for myself, despite the fact that I was still feeling pretty decent considering the skipped shot. This man was smiling, laughing and having a wonderful lunch with a friend. If I didn't think it would break him, I probably would have gotten up and hugged him!
 
Well, what can I say? I learn my lessons the hard way! Don't most of us, though? Anyway, enough feeling sorry for myself; enough moping about having to be sick for a while again (So we meet again, Flagyl!). Enough! It's time to move forward.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” Helen Keller