Hope

For over two and a half years now, I've wrestled with the same question question: How do I live in harmony with chronic illness? I started this blog to chronicle my journey and my attempts at finding peace in the midst of the chaos of living with Lyme disease.

No one can predict what the future will hold for them (except maybe Miss Cleo), but with chronic illness, it's especially hard to plan for the future. So much of your life is up in the air. Making short-term plans can be a nightmare; making long-term plans, nearly impossible.

When I started this blog, I didn't make feeble attempts at guessing what my health would be like "X" years down the road, but I certainly didn't picture myself so sick this far down the road. Here I am, well into my Lyme disease journey and I've been thrown a completely new curve ball: I'm having seizures. A lot of them.

This is all new to me and a lot to digest. I feel like a lot of doors are being slammed shut in my life right now. I'm trying to be gentle with myself though, and I keep reminding myself that just because a door is closed right now, does not mean I won't be given the key in the future.

So now I'm wrestling with a new question: How do I live in harmony with seizures? Where do I put my hopes and dreams that I've already had to put on hold for so long? I want so badly to be able to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a massage therapist. I want to help other people struggling to cope with the life of chronic pain, but for now, the only way I can do that is through my words on this blog.

I'm sad and I'm scared. I want answers. But I still have hope. And honestly, that's really all that matters. I will overcome this!