Thursday, January 13, 2011

Dreaming Big

Last week, three out of four of us in the house were down with the flu. Perhaps now that I'm not juggling the flu and Lyme disease, this has something to do with why I've felt better this week than I have in months. But whatever the reason, I'm feeling good and I am thankful for that!

The problem with Lyme disease is that there is no way to know how long "feeling good" will last. It's constantly up and down with this disease. I've been sick for so long that it's hard to even imagine that my medicine will work and I will get better. That's not to say that I don't believe that I will get better, just that it seems so hard to grasp after being sick for so long. But after having several consecutive days of feeling good, my mind is starting to drift into dreams of big things again. Literally very big things!

It has been 5 months now since my beloved horse, Shiloh, passed away. I have been too sick to get another horse and because of this, my heart seems to have put up some kind of a wall preventing me from getting too attached to the idea of another horse, though it is what I want more than anything (excluding a cure for Lyme disease!).

With several days in a row of feeling good, I found myself slipping back into the dream of having my own horse again. I want this so badly. I want nothing more than the feeling of running a curry comb through the fuzzy winter coat of a horse, my horse. I want nothing more than the feeling I get when I run my hands through the mane of the horse I love. I want nothing more than to inhale that unmistakable scent of horse. I want, I want, I want! It was so much easier when I had a safe distance between my dream and my illness...

This weekend I plan to take a trip to the barn for some much needed horse therapy. If I continue to feel this good, I might even take up my friends' offers of a trail ride. My heart needs this. It has been months since I've been on a horse. Fingers crossed!

1 comment:

  1. I totally know what you mean about not even thinking there will be a "well" time. At least we get little glimpses here and there when we have a few good days. But most the time it's pretty sad to feel like all you've known is "sick". *Hugs*