Thirty One-derful

Turning 30 last year was very difficult for me. Not for the same reason that 30 is traumatic for many people (well, maybe a little bit), but largely in part to the fact that I was supposedly in the prime of my life, yet my body was falling apart. Turning 30 when you are in so much pain you can barely get out of bed is...hellish.

If I look back, this past year was the most incredible, intense, heartbreaking, fullfilling, breathtaking, awful and wonderful year of my life. Good heavens, what a year! While I am not healed, I can function again and that is nothing short of a miracle. Only a very few people knew just how truly sick I was.

 If I look ahead--well, there is just too much unknown about chronic Lyme disease to know what to expect. I don't know what the future holds for me in terms of my health, but that's okay with me; I'm not meant to know. I have learned/am learning/keep learning that all I have is this moment--this very precious moment right now. It doesn't matter if I'm sick or well, happy or sad, it is what it is and I'm free to do with it as I choose--to waste or to cherish.

I am not the same person as I was at this time last year. Sometimes I just wish I could shake the people around me and wake them up: Life is waiting for you! Don't wait until it's too late to find that out. If you have your health, don't take it for granted for a second! And if you are sick, hold on just a little bit longer--if you give up today, you will never know if tomorrow is to be the day you will get better.

Sometimes, I feel like I've just been let out of jail and I'm seeing everything full of promise again and ripe with new beginnings. I am no longer a prisoner in my own body. I am no longer a captive of Lyme disease. There were so many dark days when I wasn't sure if I was going to survive, but lo and behold, I did. Maybe I need to shout it from the rooftops: I did it! I survived!

In parting, I leave you with my thirty one-derful birthday wish for you: Live each day like it's your birthday, and treat everyone you meet like it's their birthday.