Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Courage

Tomorrow is a big day for me. Aside from my regular antibiotics, which are kicking my butt this go around, I have to add in a monster dose of a new medicine--5 pills spread throughout the day. This is all part of my babesia treatment, which is brutal, but is helping. 

I'm trying so hard to be brave and to build my up enough courage to fuel me through whatever tomorrow brings. My fears are fighting to get the best of me. My biggest fear is not even the  pain--I can handle the pain. It is the weakness that scares me. To be so weak that I cannot talk; to be so weak that I cannot get up and go the bathroom--that scares me with every cell in my body!

With Lyme disease there is simply no easy way out--you MUST get worse to get better. This is the part of my disease that I would rather shield the world from. But it's like the seasons of life--we must endure the cold, bitter winter and, then and only then, are we rewarded with the sun on our backs and the smell of flowers permeating the air. 

I will simply persist through this stormy part of my journey. I know I will one day have my health back and I will triumphantly gallop off into the sunset! For now, I will hang on to my dreams and I will fight like I've never fought before.




 “Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.” Alice M. Swaim
at 3:22 PM

6 comments:

  1. ReneeMarch 30, 2011 at 5:05 PM

    Beautiful quote, Alyson. I understand what you are saying...I feel the same way right now with treatment for Bart and H=Pylori at the same time. Scary stuff. Sorry you are so weak, i will be praying for you.
    I have a poster on my wall by Kiki that shows women from all over the world dressed in colorful native clothes. The caption says, "Many strong and beautiful women".....We are. Anyone who walks through Lyme treatment knows the challenges they must face and the suffering they must go through. Hang in there, Alyson.

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  2. alyson1derlandMarch 30, 2011 at 7:57 PM

    Thanks for your support, Renee. It means a lot to me!

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  3. JulieslymediseasefightMarch 30, 2011 at 10:31 PM

    Hang in there girl, I will be thinking of you. I am interested in what you are taking since I also have Babesia

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  4. Elizabeth GaucherMarch 31, 2011 at 10:29 AM

    I have MS and know exactly what you mean about the weakness freaking you out. That said, I find it is a great opportunity to focus on the power of the mind and to realize how incredibly strong that kind of power is.

    If we live long enough, we all face deteriorating physical strength. In a weird way disease status can be an opportunity to build courage for issues beyond one condition, and to become "wise" about the human condition.

    It still can be completely unpleasant, but I LOVE your photo and can absolutely see your recovery in its completion. Keep writing, this is incredibly valuable stuff.

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  5. alyson1derlandMarch 31, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    Thanks, Julie! How can I send you a private email? I'd rather not write it on here.

    Thanks, Elizabeth. That photo is one of my favorites of me and my pony! I wish it was recent, but she passed away last year. That pic is about three years old, when she was around 28 years old! When she felt like going, I let her!

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  6. HMarch 31, 2011 at 1:17 PM

    Praying for you!!! I know just what you mean.

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