Tuesday, February 22, 2011

What Goes Up Must Come Down

***Life lessons learned from having Lyme disease***

What goes up must come down. You'll be up; you'll be down. You'll be down; you'll be up. Actually, you'll be like that game Whack-A-Mole. You'll pop up quickly, only to be smashed back down with a mallet to the head. But you'll keep popping up.

When the primary house cleaner is down with Lyme disease, never, ever, ever look in the microwave! Also, if you are a grandmother visiting a family member with Lyme disease, don't peer into their fridge-you may go into cardiac arrest.

When you have Lyme disease, you should not be in charge of hiding Christmas presents. You will never remember where you put them. You will never remember that you even hid them! Bad, bad idea! But finding them in the back of your closet in July is always exciting. Wrap them up and try again next year.

It is always okay to break your sugar-free/gluten-free/dairy-free diet for tiramisu.

Eating dinner at the table is overrated. It is much more couth to eat dinner in the bathtub.

If you can't figure out what is wrong with your tea, always check that you remembered to put in the tea bag.

Lyme disease dinnertime dress code: two very mismatched socks (totally unplanned, of course) paired with your favorite pajama top (dessert privileges for you if said pajama top is tucked into your underwear). Pants likely fall off of you, so unless they have a drawstring, they are optional. (Warning: only heed this advice if not eating dinner in the bathtub.)

Start your own branch of the Lyme Disease Bathroom Texting Club.

When you hear the tea kettle whistle, make sure it's not actually the smoke alarm going off.

Never skip a nap after folding laundry, washing your hair, walking up steps, opening the fridge, etc. Pretend you are a baby and nap as often as you like. If you can't actually fall asleep, put yourself in your room and play quietly with your toys.

Lyme disease will provide you and your friends with ample opportunities for never ending awkward situations. Always laugh at yourself and find a good friend who likes laughing at you, too (and doesn't mind the occasional punch to the stomach for doing so).

1 comment:

  1. Love this! I find that eating at the table is highly overated for my hubby and I who are both living in lymeland ;) PJS that are soft and cozy...my favorite! Rice socks to warm me when I am cold, and a cold tile floor to cool me when I am hot....burning veggies on the stove and putting milk in the cupboard...just a few here and the ups and downs~ so so difficult but every day occurance...

    This made me smile and I needed that!