Wisdom Tea

Yesterday, I walked almost a mile. Not once, but twice in one day! After feeling so wonderful for a few weeks now, yesterday I was filled to the brim with hopes and dreams. On walk number two, I found myself dreaming....I can have a horse again, soon.....I can go backpacking this summer....I can fulfill my ten-plus-years-long dream of going to school to become a massage therapist....

Today started off well. I went to the Farmer's Market; I ran some errands. I got very tired, though, and my vision started getting funky, so I knew it was time to come home and rest. Then it was time to take my meds. This is day three of Bactrim. A good friend of mine had a wedding shower this afternoon and I had to scrape myself off the ground to get there. I made it, but really, who was I kidding?? Conversation is nearly impossible when I feel like that!

I came home and I crashed in a heap; I barely made it. The words I had cheerfully piped to friends this morning at the Farmer's Market cruelly echoed through my head, "I'm feeling great! I'm feeling a lot better! I had a breakthrough in treatment!"

Like a thief in the night, Lyme disease steals your dreams away from you. It takes them and it tosses them out into the ocean, where they quietly disappear--down, down, down to the bottom. Lyme disease takes your dreams and throws them off a cliff, shattering them into a million pieces, right before your very eyes. Lyme disease smacks you in the face over and over again. It kicks you while you're down.

It is so hard to go from one extreme to the other. I know this part is temporary: I am Herxing. I believe with all of my heart that good days will come back. I know I can get through this...But right now I'm just really angry. I will pick myself back up and dust myself off like I always do, but I'm not quite ready to do that yet. I just want to sit quietly with my feelings for a bit. I am what I am, and right now that is angry.

And funnily enough, as I gaze down at my tea, a little slip of paper catches my eye. I have forgotten it is wisdom tea: There is a tiny quote dangling over the edge of my mug. It reads: May this day bring you peace, tranquility, and harmony. Thank you universe for that tiny little hug of comfort when I need it most. And just like that, my anger has vanished...