Inspiring...Boredom

Tonight, I planned to write something really profound, something that would deeply move you. I planned a blog post so fabulous that every one of you would stand up in front of your computer, cheering and nodding and throwing fists into the air, "Yes, yes! She is truly brilliant! Someone help me find the Facebook "like" button!"

But what actually happened was this: I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and I stared blankly at the empty box called "New Post." Maybe I could write about...No...Or, perhaps I could--Hey-did we-buy-eggs-from-the-store?--write about....Hmmm, no that won't--Did-I-take-my-medicine-today?-- work either.

And all of those people who were standing up and cheering, "Yes, yes! All hail Alyson--the brilliant Lyme Disease Blogger Queen of the World!"--those people all got bored and left their computer to go have a bedtime snack. Probably something really bland, like Cream of Wheat. Because eating Cream of Wheat is much more exciting than reading this post about absolutely nothing!

So for all of you folks out there who were hoping to be really moved and inspired tonight, I think you should just go have your bedtime snack. Nothing to see here folks, nothing to see here!

Sad Pony and Invisible Spiders

Who's the saddest pony in the world?

We think Fjóla got stung by a bee above her right eye (the left one in the picture).

My poor pony has saggy baggy skin and is covered in hives. You can really see the hives on her sides in this picture.

Since only one of her eyes is so swollen, we are guessing she probably got stung by a bee and is having an allergic reaction. Poor pony! We cold hosed her and gave her antihistamines and an anti-inflammatory. She's spending the rest of the day out of the heat and in front of a fan. Hopefully she'll be feeling back to normal soon!

On a human note, today is my third day on my new medicine. So far, on medicine days on this cycle (Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays) I have had a few hours where I feel really bad, but then I can function the rest of the day. Hopefully, today won't be any different.

The new medicine is doing a number on my stomach. My weight is also starting to drop down again, but it started a little before I began this new medicine. Before I got sick, I weighed 120lbs, which is my ideal weight for my height. At my sickest, I dropped down to a frightening 100lbs! For the past few months, I've been holding steady at 110. I could tell I lost weight again this morning, so I weighed myself and I was 105. Ive also noticed that my hair is starting to fall out a lot again.

I also have a weird new symptom. For the past several days, I've been getting a sensation in my lower leg that feels exactly like a bug is crawling down my leg. I reach down to swat it, and there's nothing there. It feels like it's just under the surface of my skin and it's such a strange feeling! I suffer from restless leg syndrome--which is frequently described as a crawling sensation--but this is quite a different feeling than that. It's like there's an invisible spider in my leg! It's always in the same spot, too.

So there's my boring blog update, "not full of my usual wit and wisdom," as my husband (aka, my editor) put it. Sorry I'm so boring today, folks! :)

Baby News!

Guess who has baby news?


Why, Kombucha does, of course! Who did you think? (I just got a brand new horse, remember?!)



Congrats to my friend Julie on her new addition!



One Year Lyme-A-Versary

Today marks the one year anniversary of my official diagnosis of late stage Lyme disease and the day that I began treatment. I can hardly believe how much my life has changed in the course of this single tumultuous year of my life. Oddly enough, as incapacitated as I was throughout much of this year, this is the year that I truly started living and loving my life.

What amazes me the most when I look back on this year full of unimaginable physical pain (Can you read that okay? Should I make it larger? I can do that, you know!), it's the beautiful moments that stand out, not the dark days. It's the love and kindness and support that I remember most. It's the laughter and tears of joy that I cherish. And that's enough to take the power away from all of the pain of this year.

I choose not to look on this anniversary with sadness, for this was a year filled with loss and closed doors. Instead, I choose to look upon it with gratitude and gladness--for this was a year full of unbelievable triumphs and lessons. This was a year full of amazing new friendships.

I love my life now, although I wish it wouldn't have taken a very rude awakening from Lyme disease to make that happen, but that's what it took to awaken my soul. I am so happy with my life now and who I have become through learning to dance my way through Lymeland. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those very special people in my life who have shared the dance with me! I love you all and wouldn't be here without you.

Random Absurdities

Today, I am going to reveal a random absurdity about myself: Now don't get too excited, because it's actually pretty dull, but, here goes: I have a huge phobia about starting new medicines. I become irrationally convinced that if I take a new medicine, I am going to have an allergic reaction and die. I suppose this is the part where I need to embarrassingly (but happily) mention that I've never had an allergic reaction to any medicine, whatsoever!

So, where does this bizarre phobia come from? Well, I have absolutely no clue since, like I said, I've never had anything even remotely close to a reaction from a medicine. But, it sure does make Lyme disease treatment difficult for me! I am constantly starting new medicines, and every single time I have to begin a new one, that old phobia rears its ugly head and I feel the need to call my friends and say farewell.

So, would you care to take a guess at what's happening today? Yep, I'm starting a new medicine. I know nothing about this medicine other than the fact that it's a very unnattractive brown color that my kids would likely dub "poopy brown." I prefer to keep myself in the dark about this medicine until I see once and for all that I haven't keeled over from that ugly ol' poopy brown pill!

When you have Lyme disease and you start a new medicine, it is supposed to make you feel bad and that's supposed to be a good thing, because it means the medicine is killing off the bad bugs and causing you to Herx. The problem with my phobia about taking a new medicine is that it puts me on hyper alert for every single twinge or twitch that goes on in my body that could signify a sign of an allergic reaction.

And the problem with that is that I've got the hiccups right now, which I'm pretty sure is my body's way of laughing at me. Damnit, hiccups, you're messing up my phobia! How am I supposed to be convinced that I'm dying if I'm hiccuping and laughing every 15 seconds! Bah! The nerve!

Put Your Umbrella Away!

"The sun won't shine until you put the umbrella away.  Be free."  ~Author Unknown

Sometimes we all need a change in attitude, especially those of us who are struggling with chronic illness. When you are sick every day, well, sometimes it just feels like life sucks!  Being sick is hard, but being sick and having a terrible attitude makes everything a million times worse! 

I've started noticing people with Lyme disease falling into two categories: those who have become bitter and depressed, and those who have become extremely pleasant and positive. Being positive is not something that has ever come naturally to me. It takes constant practice, but it has made all the difference in my Lyme disease recovery.

When I'm struggling with a bad attitude, I love to read quotes. Here are some quotes I borrowed from one of my favorite sites, The Quote Garden:

"Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come."  ~Chinese Proverb

"Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out."  ~Art Linkletter

"There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and of leaving it behind them when they go."  ~Frederick Faber

"Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses."  ~Alphonse Karr

"Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene."  ~Arthur Christopher Benson


I always enjoying hearing other people's favorite quotes, so please feel free to chime in under the comments and share your favorites! 

Heaven on Earth

I start every day and end every day by checking in on all of my Lyme friends to see how they are doing. Unless you spend a lot of time around someone with Lyme disease, you can't imagine the physical and mental pain that it causes. It is so easy to lose hope when you are sick day after day, and I really worry about my Lyme friends. I hope this post helps all of you out there with Lyme disease to remember that you will get better and that there are amazing things waiting just around the corner for you, too!

Last Saturday, as many of you know, my dream came true and I found my equine soul mate. While I did have one day where I sent my friend a panicked email along the lines of "What have I done; I'm too sick to take care of a horse!",  I really feel with all my heart that getting this horse was the right thing to do. Owning a horse and struggling with chronic illness is going to be a challenge, but it has already given me so much joy after only one week.

My horse is boarded at a barn about 10 minutes away from where I live. The owners feed and water and keep a close watch on all of the horses. Anytime I can't make it out to the barn, I know my horse is in good hands. The barn owners always go above and beyond (I boarded my previous horse with them for five years) and I am so blessed to have found such an amazing home for my precious new horse, Fjóla.

Peekaboo! 

Thanks to my dear, understanding hubby, who graciously became a single father this week so I could spend every possible moment together with my new horse, I managed to make it to the barn every day but one this week, and with the level of exhaustion I felt  (plus being in the middle of a major heat wave here), that is pretty impressive.

I didn't anticipate the impact Fjóla would have on me so quickly. The thought of that beautiful horse--so excited to see me already, after only one week together--makes every day that I can possibly make it to the barn worth every bit of the fight that it takes to get to her. And she has shown me after such a short time together that she--the pony who went almost entirely unhandled for all but the last half a year--was waiting for someone just like me her whole life. She is the most loving, kind, affectionate, curious and laid back horse I've ever met! It just goes to show you that the dreams that you have to fight the hardest for are truly heaven on earth!
         

Massage Junkie

For several days now, my body has felt like it is coursing with poison. My limbs feel heavy and my body feels toxic. I get this feeling often. It's my body's way of letting me know that it needs more help with detoxing. I do spend a lot of time detoxing, but when I get that icky feeling, I know my body needs a little more help and it's time to schedule a massage ASAP.

(Click for photo credit)

My friend came over in the evening yesterday and gave me a massage. I cannot emphasize enough how crucial massage has been in helping my Lyme disease recovery. I truly would not be here without it. I have heard that many people with Lyme disease Herx from massages, because it releases toxins into the body. In my experience, if I get weekly massages, I do not Herx from them. If I spread it out farther than that, I do occasionally Herx, but not very often.

If I'm feeling bad, having a massage once a week really recharges my batteries. If I'm feeling great, twice a month seems to be perfect for keeping me going strong. There have been numerous times when massage has taken my pain from a ten to a zero, and for that I am forever grateful.

The physical and mental anguish of Lyme disease is a heavy--sometimes, unbearable--load for those of us with this disease, and to have something like massage that can temporarily relieve us of that burden feels like nothing short of a miracle. Massage therapy has given me my life back!

The Horse

When you are tense, let me teach you to relax.
When you are short tempered, let me teach you to be patient.
When you are short sighted, let me teach you to see.
When you are quick to react, let me teach you to be thoughtful.
When you are angry, let me teach you to be serene.
When you feel superior, let me teach you to be respectful.
When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to think of greater things.
When you are arrogant, let me teach you humility.
When you are lonely, let me be your companion.
When you are tired, let me carry the load.
When you need to learn, let me teach you.

After all, I am your horse.

Willis Lamm.

Granny Alyson vs Lyme Disease

I woke up this morning and quickly realized it was going to be a hard day. As soon as I opened my eyes, my body was filled with aches and pains everywhere, and the thought of dragging myself out of my comfy bed was not my idea of a good time. Yet, my three year old was up and at 'em bright and early, so sleeping in was not an option.

You never know what you'll get with Lyme disease. Some days are easy; some days are not. I only got a few very restless hours of sleep last night and am so creaky, I feel like a little old lady instead of my actual 30 years old (ahem, 30 years young).

I know I shouldn't complain. I've felt much, much worse before, plus I HAVE A NEW PONY! I know it will pass, but this is a very rough day. The kids have been watching a lot of movies today, while I've been lying in bed dreaming of my pretty little Fjóla.

The Best Medicine

I had quite a busy weekend bringing my new horse, Fjóla, home and spending pretty much every waking hour (Lyme disease permitting) at the barn. Heat plus Lyme disease plus overdoing it equals bad news! Yesterday, I had my belly dancing class, and I thought it would be good for me, but I had to leave early. It was just too much on top of my completely exhausted body. I don't know how I made it home! I was out of commission for the rest of the evening.

This morning, however, I woke up feeling great and full of energy. I was able to get lots of things done around the house. I had a Lyme crash around lunch time, but I put on a movie for the kids and was able to lay down and it passed quickly. I'm feeling pretty good right now, and I'm just taking it easy and trying not to push myself too hard.

One week from today, I go back to my Lyme doctor, who I presume will be shaking things up with my regular meds--meaning its quite likely that I'll be knocked on my butt for a bit. I have a few new symptoms and I'm wondering if my Babesia infection is stepping down and letting the next co-infection step up to bat.

One thing is for sure: There's a super cute little Icelandic horse waiting at the barn just for me and if that's not good medicine in helping me fight Lyme disease, I don't know what is! I couldn't have found a better medicine! Maybe I should nickname her Doxycycline (an antibiotic commonly used to treat Lyme disease).

The Perfect Day

Fjóla and Aly: Our first day together

Today, my new horse came home! I floated through the entire day in a dreamlike state. She is such an amazing, calm and laid back horse--she walked right off the trailer like she'd been there a million times before. This horse is unflappable! She is truly something special. Of course, I am biased...

When I got home from the barn, I came downstairs and noticed that my husband had left on NPR downstairs. Guess what was playing on the radio? I'll give you a hint: It was the name of yesterday's blog post! And the song was playing right at this part: Somewhere, over the rainbow--bluebirds sing; and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true!

What a perfect end to a perfect day!

Somewhere, Over the Rainbow

(click here for picture credit)

"Somewhere, over the rainbow
Bluebirds sing;
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true."







In two weeks, I will hit the one year anniversary of my diagnosis of late stage Lyme disease. I have made unbelievable progress over the course of the year. I've gone from being almost totally bedridden to being able to function again. Some days I can function close to about 90% of what I used to. My pain levels are much more manageable now. I do have good days and bad days, but I can take care of my kids again, I can drive again and I can do many of things that I love to do again.

I've gone through some pretty dark days, but all through my fight, I never let go of my dream of owning another horse since I lost my beloved horse, Shiloh, nearly a year ago to a blood clot. It was so hard to admit that I just wasn't well enough to jump back into that kind of lifestyle. 

Yet now, after nearly a year of treatment, I'm finally strong enough and in a good place to pick up my dream again. I am so excited to announce that I have found my absolute dream horse and she is coming home tomorrow!

Indroducing: Fjóla (click for pronunciation), my new Icelandic horse!

I know that the challenge of owning a horse again is going to be tough while I continue to battle Lyme disease. I still have a lot of symptoms and I still have a long road to recovery. But my undying passion for horses has sustained me through the best of times and the worst of times. When the pain of Lyme disease overcomes me, my mind finds respite in dreaming of horses. When I struggle with the burden of depression from chronic illness, my sorrow turns to laughter at the barn. On the darkest days, I close my eyes and fly away from the pain on the back of my dream pony.

Tomorrow, my equine soul mate comes home. I could not have asked for a more perfect match, given the nature of my illness. Her laid back attitude and affectionate nature are everything I could have dreamed of and more. I am the luckiest girl in the world! I have fought so incredibly hard to turn this dream into a reality. Thank you so much to all my incredible friends and family who helped make this possible! And an extra, extra special thanks to my beloved Nana, who is cheering me on from heaven!

Fjóla, I cannot wait for the adventures we are going to have together! I've waited my whole life for a horse just like you. You are truly my dream come true. <3

A Tiny Victory

Please take a moment to visit Heather's blog over at Today I feel Exceptionally...and read her post about having to go to the ER.

Having to go to the emergency room is a huge fear for most of us with Lyme disease. The vast majority of doctors treat us like lepers when they find out we have Lyme disease, especially when they hear the number of medications we have to take. Lyme disease is as controversial as AIDS was in the 80s.

This is the first time I've ever heard of someone with Lyme having a positive experience at the ER (well, as positive as possible for being in the emergency room!), and I think it serves as a wonderful reminder that, even though it isn't the normal to have a doctor sympathetic to the diagnosis of Lyme, there are still amazing doctors out there who won't give up on us for having a disease that doesn't follow a textbook norm.

Heather's post feels like a tiny victory for those of us with Lyme disease. We have been bullied and verbally abused by the medical community for so long, we come to expect it. Heather's post shows us that that doesn't have to happen. Having a disease so excruciating that the number one cause of death is suicide is quite enough for us to swallow; having to deal with being treated like an outcast because doctors don't understand this disease is downright appalling, yet remains a sad realty for those of us Lyme disease.

Thank you Heather, for sharing this victory with us in the Lyme community. And here's to hoping Heather is feeling much, much better soon!

New Blog Title

Hello, friends! My last blog post inspired me to change the name of my blog. I've had both positive and negative feedback about the change, so I'd love to hear from you! Should I keep the new name, "Dancing with Lyme Disease: Alyson's Adventures in Lymeland," or go back to the original one, "Adventure's in Lymeland"? I'd love to hear your feedback, positive or negative.  

Dancing With Lyme Disease

Yesterday, I felt like a pampered princess! I went to my weekly belly dancing class, which is taught by a good friend of mine, and then I went straight to another friend's house for my weekly massage. A girl could really get used to that kind of treatment!

I absolutely love belly dance class, despite the fact that I've been frozen in the beginner class for a long time because I've had to drop out a handful of times when my Lyme disease knocked me on my butt. But, I've learned several moves and I practice frequently at home, even--and especially--when I don't feel well. Also, since my friend teaches the class, she is very understanding of my situation and knows that I may need to quit early or alter certain moves.

Before I had even considered taking belly dancing, my friend--the belly dance instructor--posted an article on Facebook about belly dancing for people with chronic pain. I wish I could find the article, but let's just say it certainly piqued my interest! I called her up and asked if she thought it would be possible for me to dance with my Lyme disease and she said it was certainly worth a try.

When I first started taking classes, it was often the only time during the week that I was able to get out of the house that didn't involve going to the doctor's office or the pharmacy. I was surprised to learn one of the first benefits of taking classes during my illness was that it got me out of the house, which really lifted my spirits!

Belly dancing boosts your self image. It makes you feel more confidant and proud of your body. Let's face it--when you're sick, you don't look or feel your best. I've found that when I dance, it gives me a reason to be extra proud of my body--the body that I'm not always so kind to, yet daily gives its all to battle Lyme disease.

One of the greatest benefits of belly dancing is that the movements really help with my Lyme pain--especially the hip pain. To think that I almost didn't take classes because of my hip pain! On days when my hips are bothering me, I start dancing, and before I can say Metamucil, I no longer feel like an achy octogenarian!

When I first started dancing, I had to have someone drop me off and pick me up. Soon, I started to notice that I often felt completely energized after class, which, for someone with my level of fatigue is pretty amazing! I'm able to drive myself to and from class again, which makes me proud.

Dancing with Lyme disease has been quite an adventure, in more ways than one! And while I understand that belly dancing is certainly not for everyone, I do encourage you to find a way to keep yourself moving, especially if you have chronic pain. Even better is to find a fun way to keep yourself moving, like belly dancing. (Maybe I'm a little biased!).

When you are sick, it is so easy to fall into the vicous cycle of laying in bed for hours--sometimes even all day--and not getting any exercise at all. Even if it's just a few simple stretches, your body will thank you for it the next day!

Dreamcatcher

Last week, I bought a dreamcatcher for a very sick friend with Lyme disease. I've seen a lot of dreamcatchers before, but I've always thought most of them looked downright tacky--although I will admit, I've always thought they were interesting--just not my cup of tea.

As you can imagine, I certainly didn't set out to buy a dreamcatcher for my friend, but when I saw that one hanging in the store, it really caught my eye. It was beautiful! I purchased it without a second thought. Over the next few days, my thoughts kept wandering back to that dreamcatcher. It really got me thinking about dreams--or more specifically, how Lyme disease puts most, if not all, of your dreams on hold.

Having to watch your dreams fall away from you like sand slipping between your fingers is one of the many agonizing day-to-day realities of Lyme disease. Not knowing how long your dreams will have to be put down is excruciating. Not having answers is maddening.

My wish for my sick friend, Juliana, is that in looking at her new (hopefully-not-tacky-to-her) dreamcatcher, she will be reminded that her dreams are not lost, but simply being kept for her until she's strong enough to reach out for them again. Her dreams will be right there in her dreamcatcher, serving as fuel to fight hard enough to achieve her precious dreams.

After all of that daydreaming about dreamcatchers, I went out yesterday and bought my own dreamcatcher just like the one for my friend. When I look at it, I am reminded that my dreams are not gone forever. They are simply waiting for the day when I can untangle them from my dreamcatcher and watch them miraculously unfold before my eyes like new flowers blooming. The harder you have to fight for your dreams, the more precious they are when you achieve them! 

Be Kind to Yourself

This morning, after having a particularly restless night, I found myself quite full of negativity. "Ugh, I have to take antibiotics again, already?? It's going to knock me on my butt!" "I am so sick of this!" "I cannot take another day of this!"

But then, something happened. I caught myself and stopped those negative thoughts dead in their tracks! I thought to myself, "Wait a minute! Why would I want to make things any harder on myself, especially when my body is fighting so hard for me?!"

I quickly replaced those negative thoughts with kind words toward my body and repeated my favorite line for when I'm struggling, "Be peaceful my sweet body, working so hard to support me." (I think that's from this book, which is amazing!)

I decided to challenge myself for the day: My goal is to focus on being kinder to myself. I invite you to join me, and if you're willing, leave a comment with one kind thing about yourself.


"The words "I am" are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to.  The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you."  ~A.L. Kitselman

Cheer Yourself Up

Saddling Up Again

It's hard for me to believe, but it's that day again--Tuesday--the one day a week when I have to take four antibiotics instead of three. I'm still trying to recover from last Tuesday, which hit me exceptionally hard. I am really struggling to stay positive and not let the fear that's trying to creep in overtake me.

I know I've said this before, but much of the Lyme journey is mental. Recovery is at times excruciating and it's incredibly hard to gear up for something that you know is going to make you sick. With Lyme disease, you have to get worse to get better. What I didn't realize is that you have to get worse over and over again.

I am stubborn and I am strong and I know I can do this! Not knowing how much sicker I am going to get is the scariest part and I have to have strength enough to be able to take care of my two little kids. But it is for those two little munchkins that I draw the courage that I need to make it through this day, and the next, and the next...

For Debbie

Tightrope Walker

When I was a little girl, I had my life carefully planned out: I was certain that my life's purpose was to run away and join the circus to be a tightrope walker. Needless to say, that plan didn't work out. Yet now, strangely enough, I've come back to that image of me as a tightrope walker once more. Don't worry, I promise you that I'm not planning to run away and join the circus...

It's just that Lyme disease has left me feeling like a tightrope walker who is just beginning to learn how to master the art of balance.There I am, flailing my arms left and right in a desperate attempt not to go down-- which only causes me to lose my footing!  This Herx has really knocked me off balance and now I'm scrambling every which way to avoid falling down--the memory of falling flat on my face fresh in my mind.
 
Sometimes, the grownup in you needs to be quiet long enough to listen to the child that is still inside of you. I know the stubborn, outspoken little girl in me--the tightrope walker--would have quite a few things to say to the grown up version of the tightrope walker. Don't look down or you'll fall! And don't even think about falling; just think about what you do want to do and DO IT! I know you will get across to the other side!

So, for the little girl in me who always wanted to join the circus, I'm going to stop thinking about falling and start focusing on getting across to the other side of the tightrope. And if I do fall down, I've got an amazing safety net waiting with open arms to catch me--my family and friends.

Ticks do not Discriminate

Ramblings from an Insomniac

Well, here I am, wide awake at four in the morning. It's strangely peaceful in my house, a stark contrast to the regular chaos in a house with two extremely energetic little boys. I never sleep well, but I rarely go so far as to drag my weary bones out of my comfy bed when I have insomnia.

Every now and then, like tonight, I'll decide to try and trick my body into thinking that I actually want to be awake during the wee hours of the night that those of us with Lyme disease like to refer to as "Lyme time." (Hint, it doesn't work; go back to bed, silly goose!) So it's just me, my favorite tunes, my Tiger Balm Liniment, and my silly sheepdog who's always ready for the prospect of herding sheep at any hour of the day or night. (She's never seen any sheep in her life!).

This week, I started back up on treatment after a week off. Once a week--on Tuesdays--I have to take an extra medicine to help seek and destroy the babesia parasites trying to overtake my body again. That means a total of four antibiotics at once! Nobody ever said Lyme treatment was easy! (Wait, Gary Wormser did...Has he ever met anyone with Lyme disease?)

Over the past few days, I've experienced some pretty intense ups and downs as my body attemps to rid itself of the toxins from the dying bacteria--the dreaded Herx that comes with Lyme disease treatment. My ups are higher than they use to be, and I've had great strides of improvement since I started treatment, but when I'm feeling great and then suddenly I'm hit with an intense wave of Lyme symptoms, it really knocks the pants off of me! The unpredictable nature of Lyme disease can be pretty overwhelming.

Yesterday I woke up feeling really great--quite a welcome change from the night before when I was Herxing  badly--and I was able to run several errands and have quality time with my kids before I started feeling sick. "Feeling sick" quickly turned into one of the worst Herxes I've had in a long time, but hopefully, this means relief is coming my way soon!

One of the most difficult things about Lyme disease is that it's largely a mental battle. It's extremely hard to remain positive when you have a painful and unpredictable disease like Lyme. I really let myself get swept up in the sadness of this disease last night, and like a hungry predator eying dinner, it rapidly overtook me.

Last night I wanted to quit treatment because IT IS HARD. The good news is that I am stubborn as hell! In reality, I'm still trying to pull myself out of the relapse from taking two weeks off of antibiotics instead of my regular one week off, so quitting = not an option. I actually have a lot of moments when I want to throw in the towel (on treatment, not on life); I just don't usually share that on here, because, really, who wants to hear it? But, perhaps because the sun is starting to come up, I've lost my censor...All is well, because purging these feelings has made me feel a little bit better.

The thing that I've learned the most from Lyme disease is that today is a brand new day. The predator that pounced on me in the dark is gone. The sun is in the sky now and the birds are singing. I'm ready for this day...Except, now it's time to go back to bed!


"Endure and persist; this pain will turn good, by and by." ~Ovid